“Betrayal is a deep knife wound that only heals with time, forgiveness, and a willingness to rebuild trust.” ~ Unknown
Being betrayed by someone you trust—whether a friend, family member, coworker, or someone in a position of authority—can be a life-altering experience. If you’re grappling with a breach of trust, consider these critical questions as you navigate the situation:
- How much does your history together matter? Are they a good friend or close family member? Is this the first time they have been disloyal or the tenth time?
- Have you changed or grown apart? Have you outgrown this person? If they were friends in childhood or adolescence, did either of your values or life goals change as adults?
- Is the person taking responsibility for their actions? Do they acknowledge that they have done something wrong or hurtful? Do they always blame someone else or have a “good excuse”?
- Are they sincere and apologetic for their betrayal? Do they have a flippant attitude or are they are truly sorry for what they have done?
- Are they trying to make amends? They may express a willingness to make things right, but people often say they’ll do things they have no intention of doing. Are they making a sincere effort?
- Is this relationship beyond repair? Do you consider their betrayala deal breaker? Are they likely to do the same thing again? Even if you forgive them, will you ever trust them again?
- Is therapy an option? Or talking with a church leader? An unbiased third party can help you bridge the emotional gap and rebuild the trust between you two if the relationship is important to you.
“Betrayal is a painful reminder that trust should be earned and never taken for granted.” ~ Unknown
10 Steps to Heal from Betrayal
1. Acknowledge Reality
Don’t deny what happened. Accept the truth, even if it’s painful or humiliating.
2. Choose Peace
Harboring resentment is unhealthy. Make a conscious decision to let go of conflict and seek tranquility.
3. Process Your Emotions
Take some time to sit with your feelings. Grieve the loss and process the betrayal.
4. Respond, Don’t React
Take your time deciding how to handle the situation. A measured response is more constructive than a hasty reaction.
5. Avoid Revenge
Revenge will only harm you further and may lead you down a bad path. Focus on your own healing.
6. Take a Break
Distancing yourself from the person temporarily can give you clarity on whether you want them in your life.
7. Find a Confidant
Talk to a therapist, friend, or family member. Having a safe space to vent can be therapeutic.
8. Don’t Dwell on the Past
Acknowledge your grief but don’t get stuck in what could have been. Move forward with your life.
9. Stay Connected
Don’t isolate yourself because of a betrayal. Maintain your relationships with others and continue to seek new connections.
10. Keep Trust Alive
Avoid making blanket statements like “I will never trust anyone again.” Trust is essential to a healthy life
“Betrayal may shatter our faith in others, but it should never shatter our faith in ourselves.” ~ Unknown
Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at Oakwood Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How to Be a Great Partner and How to Argueproof Your Relationship.
