By Mark Webb, The Relationship Specialist
“An unfortunate thing about this world is that the good habits are much easier to give up than the bad ones.” ~W. Somerset Maugham
1) Make A Firm Decision.
Decisions are the starting point of all behaviors. Make a commitment to yourself that you will do whatever it takes to see your goal through. Make it a “MUST” not a “should”. If you should and you could; then you must. Don’t allow yourself to be weakened by “I could and I should, but I don’t.” position. Be Determined. Tap into that side of yourself that is stubborn and hardheaded. Use these attributes to your advantage.
2) Write Your Goal On A Piece of Paper.
Once you write down your goal you have started the process of transforming an idea into a physical reality. Then take the paper or index card and place where you will see it often. Make multiple copies to provide reminders throughout your day.
3) Create Leverage.
When you are breaking a habit, tell any and everyone who can help you stay the course and achieve your goal. Their encouragement and support can nudge you to stay on track in times when you might feel weak. This is usually a process of trial and error. Even though you can probably break your bad habit on your own, it’s a good idea to utilize outside resources. A word of encouragement can go a long way when you are struggling with the question, “Is this truly a good idea to quit my habit?”
4) Don’t Allow Others To Tell You What You Are Capable Of.
Some of you may have friends and family members who share your bad habits. These people can serve as a source of sabotage for you. Misery loves company. They may worry that when you give up your bad habit you will pull away from them, and you might. We all know that “Birds of a feather flock together”. Healthy birds don’t associate with unhealthy ones. You can still be friends and family will always be family but things will be different between you if they insist on keeping their bad habits.
5) Keep Your Change As Simple As Possible.
Don’t make things too complicated. Complex rules will create unnecessary headaches. “I will go to the gym for forty five minutes on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays” is easy. “I will walk on Tuesdays and Fridays except on odd weeks and I will go to the gym on Mondays and Fridays and Saturdays every other week and Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Sundays on opposing weeks” is confusing. You don’t want your habit to require much thought.
6) Be Consistent For 21 Days.
Do something towards the completion of your goal every day for a three week period. After you have reached this target then raise the bar to 90 days. The challenge for most people comes along day 72 because they start thinking they’ve got it licked so they start looking for a way to bend the goal a little to allow exceptions. This can quickly result with full relapse into the old habit so be careful. Once you reach day 90 (and you will!), aim for six months then on to a year.
7) Count The Days.
Get a calendar or make a chart and mark off each day passed. This gives a visual account that you are in fact making progress.
8) Make A “No Exceptions” Policy.
You have made the decision to break a habit, now stick with it. Refuse to resume the habit no matter what the reason. Every time you make an exception, you are weakening your resolve and most likely will lose faith in yourself and your ability.
“It’s been said that people do not decide their futures. Instead, they decide their habits – good or bad- and their habits decide their futures.” ~ Unknown
9) Feed The Positive Dog.
You have two dogs inside of you. A positive dog and a negative dog. If these two dogs were to get into a fight, which one would win? The answer is the one that you feed the most. Which dog are you feeding the most? Your negative dog or your positive one? You and only you decides which one gets fed!
10) Use The “Bait and Switch” Technique.
This technique replaces an annoying habit with a more appropriate behavior. If you are trying to stop biting your fingernails; start chewing gum.
11) What Is Your Bad Habit Costing You?
If you have been smoking, you know the costs are high in terms of dollars and health. Have you considered the other costs? How has this affected your relationship? If your partner doesn’t smoke, you know they hate kissing your ashtray mouth. How has your bad habit affected your productivity and taken away time from other activities. Bad habits waste a lot of time and opportunities.
12) Develop Strong Labels For Yourself.
Instead of saying “I’m fat and lazy.” say “I’m in excellent health and have boundless energy! Instead of saying, “I have a bad temper, say, “I used to have a bad temper.” Or say, “I have unshakeable peace of mind!” Your mind always replicates the image you have of yourself. Be careful what you speak over yourself. Your labels will either build you up or they will tear you down. Claim your new self with strong language.
“I don’t smoke.” “I don’t drink.” I weigh _____lbs.” To begin with you will feel like you are lying to yourself but over time you will feel this stronger label take over and you will be your new label.
“Bad habits are easier to abandon today than tomorrow.” ~ Yiddish Proverb
