13 Things You Can Do To Stop People From Walking All Over You
“Value yourself. The only people who appreciate a doormat are people with dirty shoes.” ~ Leo Buscaglia
Victims of the Doormat Syndrome are people pleasers who usually are very concerned about what others think of them. They do their best to make everyone happy but usually end up feeling miserable in the process. Doormats do not like to see their loved ones upset or stressed out so they try to take on the burden themselves whenever possible. Do any of these traits sound familiar?
· Do people only contact you when they want something?
· Do you tolerate unacceptable behavior?
· Do you accept blame from others even if you know you didn’t do anything wrong?
· Do you constantly apologize for everything?
· Do you allow others to disrespect you by staying quiet?
· Do you avoid conflicts at all costs?
· Do you find saying “no” to be almost impossible?
· Do you ignore your feelings to accommodate others?
· Do your friendships seem one-sided?
· Do you ever feel like you’re not living your own life?
If you can relate to any of these traits, here are 13 things you can do to stop these patterns of the doormat syndrome:
1) Stop Devaluing Yourself.
You may have a humble opinion of yourself but that doesn’t mean you don’t have value. Give yourself at least the same amount of respect that you would give to someone else.
2) People Treat You The Way You Train Them To Treat You.
If you let people take advantage of you; they will assume that you are okay with this and will continue to take advantage of your inability to say no or to set limits.
3) Curb Your Need For External Validation.
Everyone likes to receive praise and appreciation but please be mindful that you really don’t need as much validation as you might think. The bigger you make this need the more power it has over you. It is better to be a person who gives praise and appreciation than someone who is paralyzed without it.
4) Develop Self Confidence.
Self-confidence is a feeling of self-assurance that comes from appreciating your own abilities or qualities.
5) Speak Up For Yourself.
Silence probably has been your enemy. Start sharing your thoughts and opinions. Don’t overdo it but take the positive risk of stepping outside of your comfort zone.
6) Know When To Say When.
Are you involved in an unhealthy relationship or friendship that needs to come to an end? If your answer is yes then ending the involvement with this person or people may create at least short term conflict but it will mean long term peace of mind without people who take advantage of you or mistreat you.
7) Raise Your Expectation Of Yourself.
You rise or fall according to the expectation you have of yourself. The higher you raise your view of your worth and value, the better.
8) Stop Doing Things Just Because You’re Asked.
A person’s greatness is in direct proportion to the amount of servitude, but you will never achieve greatness if you have burned yourself out by your inability to say the simple word “no”.
9) Don’t Go From One Extreme To Another.
People who are tired of being doormats commonly go from being a passive doormat to the other extreme of being aggressive. Don’t make this common mistake. You will not find peace or satisfaction on this end of the continuum either. Strive to be a well-balanced individual.
10) Start Asking For Help.
Rather than just doing everything yourself; ask other people for their help. If they are good people, they will help you. They may not help every time, but a good person doesn’t mind doing their part. A person who takes advantage of others will not try to help. They will get angry, make excuses or try to convince you that you are being selfish by asking them for their help.
11) Do You Do A Lot Of Things You Don’t Want To Do?
Some of this may be necessary in life but make sure this isn’t because you have fallen into the trap of the doormat syndrome.
12) Stop Going Out of Your Way For People Who Don’t Appreciate It.
If you know you are being used by someone; stop putting yourself out for this one-sided relationship.
13) Use Your Caller ID To Your Advantage.
If you have people who only call you when they want something, then learn not to take their calls. One-sided friendships get old quickly. Friendships need to be about giving and receiving. People who only care for themselves and what they want will quickly find someone else to take your place if you drop them so don’t worry about them. They’ll be fine.
Best of Wishes,
Mark Webb
Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and How To Argueproof Your Relationship. Read more of his articles www.TheRelationshipSpecialist.com
