7 Signs You Might Need Marriage Counseling
And 10 Quick Tips To Prevent From Having To Go…
By Mark Webb
“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
1) The Communication Has Shut Down Between You.
Silence can sometimes be much worse than arguing.
2) Your Talking But Everything Is Negative.
If you and your partner are constantly calling each other out on what’s wrong in the relationship, you will quickly become discouraged because nothing will seem to be right.
3) Affection Is Withheld.
This is often done in what is called a passive aggressive manner as a form of punishing your partner. It can also reflect an overall lack of desire for each other. When intimacy dries up, the connection between you can be severely severed.
4) Everything Seems Adversarial.
You can’t seem to stop arguing. You know you are in trouble when even a trip to the grocery store can turn into a fight.
5) The Trust Has Been Betrayed.
Once the certainty has been offset then it creates more trust issues and questions about your commitment to the marriage.
6) You Are Becoming More Like Roommates.
This creates a sense of emptiness and loneliness because the relationship lacks a true connection of love. There is nothing lonelier than being in a bad marriage.
7) You Are Afraid To Talk.
No one wants to be in a marriage where you cannot express yourself openly. If your conversations lead to arguments or explosions of temper then you are definitely headed towards severe problems between you.
10 Quick Pieces Of Advice To Prevent Having To Go To Therapy:
1. Don’t Keep Score.
“I am doing more than you are.” or “You don’t care as much as I do.” are common thoughts that can make you stop doing the things that bring joy and connection to the marriage. Just be the best you know how to do as a husband or a wife.
2. Don’t Let Things Fester.
If something is bothering you then you need to speak up. Your partner cannot fix something unless they know there is a problem.
3. Strive To Always Be Kind.
This isn’t rocket science. Do unto your spouse as you would want them to do unto you. Not, I will if they will.
4. Don’t Be A Spouse Who Complains All The Time.
Monitor yourself for a few days. How many negative comments do you make during the course of a day? Strive to focus on the good things in your partner and your marriage.
5. Don’t Take Your Spouse For Granted.
Say thank you for the things your spouse does for you. Saying thank you never loses a positive impact with your spouse. Add a little enthusiasm to increase your appreciation.
6. Keep The Flames Of Passion Alive.
Never stop courting and pursuing your partner. The honeymoon does not have to die and if it has, then re-ignite the flames of passion. Strive to stay forever young in love with each other.
7. Don’t Threaten Divorce.
I am not against divorce. Sometimes it is the right thing to do but do not threaten divorce out of anger or hurt, just out of upset emotion. This can severely disrupt the belief in your sense of “Til Death Do Us Part”.
8. Always Use Your Basic Manners.
Even if you were raised in a barn it is no excuse not to treat your spouse in a loving, respectful and thoughtful manner.
9. Don’t Get Bogged Down With What Is Fair Or Not.
A lot of couples end up in my office because of debates about what is fair and what isn’t. I commonly refer to I Corinthians Chapter 13 which is often read during wedding ceremonies. It is the chapter that says “Love is patient. Love is kind…” It does not say anywhere in there that love is fair.
10. Don’t Expect Your Spouse To Be A Mind Reader.
Over time mindreading skills should improve but it sure does help if you can express yourself to your spouse in terms of thoughts and needs. Partners far too often get their feelings hurt unnecessarily because their spouse did not anticipate their needs or wishes as hoped for.
Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at Oakwood Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and How To Argueproof Your Relationship. Read more of his articles at www.TheRelationshipSpecialist.com
